Like so many who have been faced with this kind of news, my heart wrestles with the question of why and how this could happen. It's a hard concept to see days like this and still try to reconcile within our hearts that God is good. For some of us, that is all the hope that we have to hold onto. For others... if you told them that, all the pain, anger and fear in their hearts would erupt, not knowing how their precious babies could have been taken away. I am among those that cling to the hope I have in Christ and it doesn't always make the heart aches easier, but it does give me something to keep living for.
Oh fragile hearts! How could you endure such sorrow?! I am at a loss for words... only the prayers that the God who does bind up the broken-hearted and heals them of their wounds, as Psalm 147:3 promises- will be closer than ever to those grieving. I know that it was never God's will for such things to happen, but I can say- knowing from my own set of sorrows and pain in my life... none that I feel can compare to what I'm sure these families are feeling at this time... that God will weave through this tragedy and make something beautiful from the broken pieces of this mess. "For God works through all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes" (Romans 8:28). He has called us all to His purposes, and the only thing that can reconcile what has happened is the fact that He also gives us free will, and I will be the first to admit that it can be horrifying what we make of it.
I want my heart to be soft enough and compassionate enough to grapple with these questions, understanding what a sensitive subject this is and that the wounds are still very much fresh and fragile. To say that God couldn't have stopped it, would be to deny His omnipotence, and God knows when hearts are willing to change. I can't speak for the man behind the gun, but it is likely that there was such a darkness inside his heart that hope was all but lost. I know God continues to pursue us, and even fight for us until that very last second, but the choice is always left up to us. There is no way of knowing the reasons for this man's behavior in it's entirety, but I can say that there is a spiritual war waging around us everyday and this even is proof of that. It's a matter of whether we we let the darkness win out or not.
It breaks my heart to hear the ways that people are responding with hatred toward the shooter, and I understand, they have every right to do so. But the cross that our savior carried was for our crimes, our sins, and our failings... as well as to forgive the very ones who crucified Him. We as a nation must find it in our hearts to forgive also, as hard as that might be. Ezekiel 18:23 says "DO I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked?" declares the Lord GOD, "rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?" That is the heart of our God, and our should be the same. Though I will surely grieve over the loss of the innocent and God does no less- in fact we cannot even begin to fathom at the extent of the ways that God's heart breaks, and because He is a just and Holy God, I know that no sin goes unpunished.
The comfort I have in the midst of all this, is that God sees the big picture, and he knows how even te tragedy will change peoples lives and the stories of hope and maybe even forgiveness will come from all this, if we will only open up our hearts and allow Him to mend our brokenness and heal our wounds. His desire is to make us like Him, loving like Him. He gave up His life so that many might have the chance to live, and again... I can't speak with certainty, but perhaps the lives that were lost today may open doors for many to have the chance to believe in a purpose and a hope. To be sure, I don't have all the answers, I don't know what God has in store for us, for this nation or for this world, apart from what His word tells us.
I will say that for myself, my eyes have been opened and I am wide awake to the desperate need for God to heal this land. I spent a lot of today asking God why America was so screwed up, but the truth is... it's everywhere. We may not hear about it that often, but every day an innocent life is lost regardless if that is because of some form of disease or because of some act of violence. There is a group pf believers that are persecuted every day in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine and their faith is even stronger because of it. God can use their circumstances to reveal His glory, and I know He will use this one as well, but we must all do our part in loving our neighbor- not just when they deserve it, cause the truth is, none of us deserve to be loved. But He chooses to love us anyways, because He sees the potential in us and believes that we are worth it. It's time for us all to rise up and really start living like Jesus and may the trumpets soon resound and signal the way for the rider of the white horse that has and will come to redeem us all. Until then, we shall not tarry or wait with complacent hearts, but with heart aflame seek His glory, and fall on our knees to pray.
