Someone Who Will Make it All Worthwhile...

I'm not even sure where to begin with this post. I just want to get my thoughts out on paper in hopes of moving forward. Lately I have been feeling so lethargic. Feeling like life is a joke and lacking to motivation to do anything, except to go to work and that is motivated by fear.... not at all a healthy place to be. I'm not sure why I am in this rut lately. As Vice President of Active Minds, I am fully aware that I have all the warning signs of depression.... but I am not depressed. I have a good life, amazing friends, and more blessings than most. I'm not sure if it's the weather or if it's something spiritual or a shift in my life where I am starting not to care about the things that once mattered. All I know is that I don't want to stay here.

Like I said, lately I've been feeling like life is a joke. I know that it's not, I know and believe with everything in me that God has a big purpose for my life and that I am going to school and pursuing what I am because God has called me here and He wants to use me to make a difference in the world. Why then is my motivation lacking? Where is my passion? What I need is someone to come and make this all worthwhile.

"Despite the darkness, I believe this fog is telling me something. 

It's telling me I'm exactly where I'm meant to be." - Donald Miller

Truth is, passion is contagious, when you have someone who is passionate about learning, and passionate about life... it's contagious! You get excited about it all too! What's missing in my life that I can't find the joy I once did in my studying or in my classes, in my church...? Don't get me wrong, all these things are good. I'm just not feelin' it lately. I would greatly appreciate prayer from anyone who happens to be reading this. Trouble is, I feel like more often than not my words get thrown by the wayside and there is so much doubt that what I write or say will really make any difference. I am one voice in a clamor of many. Am I crazy to think that I can do and be what God has called me to? Some days I think I am. Still that wont stop me from chasing that calling and those dreams God has given me. Lord Jesus, You have called me to be a voice in my generation, a voice on this campus... Help me to move past my doubts and fears, help me to find joy and passion again in my life, because this isn't working out so well for me. Jesus, come. Be the one I need to spark that passion in my heart, show me your passion for me so that I might become more contagious to share it with others. Be my one who comes and makes this all worthwhile!

"Teach us what the flowers already know, that we'll live and die 

and you'll clothe us. All for your glory." -Donald Miller

These past few weeks there is a prophetic image and word that I keep getting. I have had three people confirm that. That word is new beginnings and the picture is a sunrise  Lord, I need that light to come breaking through this fog and coldness that I am feeling right now. Let me feel the warmth of your love.