Family Ties

In my walk with Christ there have been many things that have called me away from what is comfortable into many adventures that have required trusting in His faithfulness. This has included anything from going to countries or towns I had never intended, from being estranged from family, or sharing some of the most vulnerable parts of my life with people… This time it’s taking a solo road trip from my home in Montana to the west coast to spend a summer in California for an internship at the International House of Prayer in Pasadena. A close friend and mentor once told me, “God cares more about our obedience and our healing, than about our comfort.” I am learning more and more that he is exactly right. There are a number of ways that this trip has called me away from what is comfortable. One of those things has been the decision itself, to be obedient to God’s voice, no matter the cost. A few weeks ago my Dad and I had gotten into a fight because he didn't see this trip as something purposeful and God centered. He still doesn't. In his mind, his oldest daughter has been far to influenced by her college friends and her church. As if I had suddenly got some wild hair to quit my job, pack up my car and spend my whole summer at the beach. The fact is, that is not what this summer will be about at all.

I tried to explain to Dad that this was a call from God to be a catalyst for my life and possibly many other lives as well. The conversation with him was extremely enlightening as far as the heart ache and pain that is buried deep in my Dad’s heart and why he is quick to attempt putting dampers on the dreams of his children. He doesn't trust God. Life and experience have taught him that God does not come through, being raised Mormon has not helped that perspective in their teaching that we must earn God’s salvation and even His favor. I don’t feel as if I have ever gotten a resolution with helping my Dad understand what this internship means to me, the only thing I can do is pray for him, that God will find a way to heal his heart of those wounds. Regardless of my Dad’s disapproval of my going to Cali, I still felt strongly that God wanted me there, and I wrestled with being obedient to God’s call and honoring my parents. In the end, I reasoned that since I am a 24 year old that has been supporting myself for nearly 6 years, than it was my call on what I chose to do with my life. I decided that God’s commands come first, no matter the cost, for as Christ says, “If any would love his father and mother more than me, they will not be worthy of me.” (Matt. 10:37)

I tried for nearly a month to avoid talking to my parents at all for fear of getting into another argument. The thing was, my little sister’s birthday was around the time I had planned to leave, and I knew it would not be showing her, or the rest of my family, my love for them if I left without spending time with her for her birthday beforehand. I did, however, dread the confrontation and arguments that might possibly ensure from my parents. In the end, I made the decision to go, and stand my ground in my decision to go to California, regardless of what happened during the last couple days I would spend with my family before leaving. The days I did spend with my family were far better than I could have expected, and as long as my parents never brought up my internship, I wouldn't either. We never really talked about it once, which I was grateful for. On the other hand, the evening of Maisie’s birthday was difficult. Everyone seemed to be emotional strung out and upset over something- Dad was too tired and Mom wanted things her way, Maisie was upset because Mom was upset, and the other kids got upset because Maisie refused to let us sing to her, or eat her cake and ice cream or spend the rest of the evening in her room, claiming she had a headache and lots of homework to do. I was the only person Maisie would talk to, so I knew that wasn't the real reason she had isolated herself.

Birthdays with my family have always been difficult. The child often doesn't feel their sense of worth or value, and our parents, bless them, they try to make it fun, but its never very special. The reason being that they always try to do what they think the child will enjoy without asking the child what he or she would like. This usually causes problems. Watching this happen on Maisie’s birthday opened my eyes to how self-centered my entire family was being, and it honestly broke my heart. It was my last night with them and it was all I could do to want to stay. In the end it did open up a door for me to be able to minister to my little sister on her birthday and share about her worth and identity in Christ, drawing out her gifts and talents and the value I saw in her…. Drawing out the gold. Maisie is an extremely gifted little girl, full of joy and creativity. I don’t think she sees it enough. The night finally did end up well enough with my and Maisie hanging out in her room, talking and drawing on temporary glitter tattoos before I went to bed. I guess the thing I am realizing is if I had never had the courage to face my parents, regardless of the potential wounds that might have come, then I never would have been able to be there to remind Maisie of her tremendous value in the eyes of God and her purpose to be one of the word changers of our generation.

Romans 8:28 “For we know that works through all things for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purposes.”

What a comfort for us all that this is His promise to us! And He is proving faithful in this every step along the way. I am so grateful for the ways that He loves us.