Season of Miracles

I'm sitting at Hasting's in front of a warm fire and hot caramel apple cider, Christmas music and a great coffee shop environment, thinking about how close it is to Christmas and how good it is to feel it now that the events of the morning have passed...

My morning started off fairly normal, woke up around 9:30 (sleeping in a little now that I am free of classes for winter break) and got dressed, did my makeup, ate my cereal and went to brush my teeth after making a brief comment to Kayla about the fresh snow we got the night before and the snow that was falling even as we spoke there in the kitchen. I put my chains on, scraped my windows and drove up the driveway, heading to meet my friend Amber for coffee and possibly meet up with one of my youth girls later... as I got to the main part of our road and began removing my chains I made a note to myself about the condition of my tires and the fact that I would need to go in to get them taken care of... I proceeded to remove my chains and then headed down the road... I was about half a mile down the road when my car started sliding, and I hit my breaks in panic (not the best thing to do in that situation!) and found myself screaming "Dear Jesus, Please!" as my car went over the ledge, sliding down about 10 feet or so into some brambles and branches. As the events occurred, my heart was praying all the words my mind couldn't think of and my voice sure as heck didn't have the time to speak. When everything stilled, I managed to shakily call my friend Amber and told her I couldn't make it and then paused to let my adrenaline calm down again before getting out of my car and calling a friend for help.

No answer... I sent a text thinking maybe he would respond then and ask I sent it off a couple pulled up and stopped asking if I needed assistance... they took my to the nearest store to call a tow truck. I called several tow companies and got the same answer. They wouldn't be much help to me with the $10 I had in my pocket until payday- still 3 days away. I texted my friend Quincy to see if she might know someone who could help. She sent her husband to the store to get me and see what they could do. After giving him directions to where my car was, we determined that any normal vehicle would not be able to get the job done, and we had to get a tow.

My friend finally called me in response to my text to see what was going on, I explained the situation to him and he suggested calling someone back at the house who might have Triple A roadside assistance. Jenn, back at the house told me she did not have Triple A, but her insurance had roadside assistance and it was only for her. Turns out she had the same insurance company, so I called them to see if I could add roadside assistance to my policy and then called to get help. Tow truck arrived within the hour and a half hour later I was out. There was a couple new dents in my car, but otherwise fine. I drove my car into Les Schwab to get new tires on so I would have better traction and not go sliding the next time I drive and that is where I'm at now, waiting for my car and waiting for my friend Kiehly.

It's amazing to me thinking back about how God's hand was on all of it. As I was waiting at the grocery store, after I spoke to several tow companies, all of them bringing news of disappointment, I begin asking a lot of questions... how am I going to fix this mess? God why didn't you stop it you could have... maybe you can't stop things, maybe just provide the grace in the midst of them... well, maybe that is partly true, but God not able to prevent something goes against His Sovereign character.... my mind was a whirlwind as I left the store, tears filling my eyes to go talk with my Pappa. As I was walking out the woman at the store asked me if I found what I needed,my response to her- "I need a miracle." I will never forget what she said in return, "Well it's the season for those... think about that." That definitely did get me thinking... as I sat outside talking to God about what was on my mind, I witness a man kindly holding the door for a family of four as he said, "I'm just doing my part to give some joy this time of the year." Small but simple reminders of what Christmas is about, it's about a Savior who came to redeem us from the mess that we've made of this earth and of our individual lives. A Savior that I realized even more today that I am so I am so in need of. After my car was pulled out I realized how much of a miracle it was that I walked out of that situation without a scratch, even more that my car was ok... my mirrors weren't even broken! haha I'm still amazed and I am now about to get the opportunity to minister to one of my youth girls. Truly a crazy, amazing day! And I realized in those moments that I'm making the decision that I'm going to spend time thanking God for the things He does give rather than asking questions why He hasn't given as I think He should. He is a GOOD Father! ♥ Thank you Papps for your grace and your faithfulness... Lord, You never fail us!

My Connection. My World.

"Really want to touch lives. Lord make me an instrument of your peace."

"With each breath my heart burns with embers sparked to life. Who I am now... God knew from the moment I was a child, that no matter how much I forced Him away, I would simply end up closer to Him than before... that as I pushed away His embrace, the safer I'd feel when I was back in His hold."

"I feel God's presence here tonight, like I did last week when He was washing me and healing me. It's good to know that God is near."

Yes, these quotes above are from the youth of my city. The kids I quoted above are all only 14/15 years old. I am amazed at the wisdom that they hold, at the unspoken sense that speaks volumes about their experience and their stories. This is just a fraction of the students I deal with almost every day. It's incredible to know what some of these kids have gone through and even what some of them deal with every single day. I am constantly reminded of a generation of beautiful, broken, and revolutionary souls that I am so blessed to have in my life. All of them are dealing with very deep hurts in their lives in some capacity or another, and all of them have phenomenal potential that I see many of them soaring to new heights of every week!

I was overwhelmed this past week with the realization of how much I love these kids. How honored I am to see them truly reaching out and making differences in their worlds. I wish I could give even just a glimpse of the things that I see them posting on their facebook, the stories I hear them tell as I give them rides home, or even the profound knowledge that I receive via hand-written letters that a couple of these girls have handed me this past Tuesday. My heart both aches at their scars and swells with pride at the things I see them walk out. Some of these things are a very difficult part of these processes in life.... some of it is the evidence that ANYONE could change the world.

Perhaps I am one of the few in this world that can honestly say without a moments hesitation that I love teenagers... every rebellious, emotional, kid who gives in to peer pressure, every awkward, smelly, ADD, stoner, scene kid and stuck up cheer leader.... Perhaps I have been cursed that God has given me this call on my life... but again, I argue that it is a blessing. One of the greatest blessings that I could ever ask for! They have taught me just as much or more than I could ever hope to teach them and I truly believe that the best part of it all is the chance to see God doing a work in their hearts and changing them from the inside out. Seeing them then take that baton and run the race set before them, reaching out to their peers and their families, and at times... even to complete strangers! This is a group of History Makers no doubt! A revolution of "kids" that are starting to grasp a hold of and believe that they can truly do ANYTHING with God's help. They truly do inspire me.

I am so blessed that I was asked about 3 and a half years ago to be a part of the youth ministry at my church. Kyle and Dani are the best youth pastors anyone could ever asked for! I am honored beyond words that I am given the opportunity week after week to be a part of what they do in reaching the youth of our city- to be a part of changing this city. These kids have capture my heart, some of them very quickly and I know that nothing can change that for me. The Connection is my life. :) Jesus is my life source, the reason I live and breathe, and eat... the reason I do what I do. My reason to serve, to love, to reach out. He is my reason to wake up in the morning. He has given every aspect of my life purpose. My family, my friends, my church, my job, my school...

This past week with these students has got me really excited for my future. It has me thinking more about the type of family I want to have... one modeled after my youth pastors and my mentors at Perea. It's got me smiling at the idea of being in a Missoula high school and getting to invest in these kids first hand and give them encouragement for their lives in the present moments and hope for their futures... I love how God has it all planned out, and He's even let me in on a lot of the secret! ;)

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Sharing Hope

Six Years ago a 17 year old girl sat on the floor against her bed with her journal, writting out her pain as the tears fell, a couple bottles of pills in her hands... Where was hope? The pain and the fears closed in around her until she couldn't take it anymore and in the strangest ways, thankfully fear won out this time. She fell to her knees and cried out for answers, cried out for hope. Hope answered in a caring friend, a brother... hope answered in Jesus. I was that girl, and that friend was my big brother who told me I had purpose, he showed me I was loved and that I was worthwhile... that I belonged. He told me about God.

Reflecting back on this day this week as it is just getting over National Suicide Prevention Week, and here I am... two and a half weeks into college, six years after that fateful night and my life forever changed for the better. I remember my dreams in high school to be able to be a voice- to be able to tell people like me... people who have felt alone, have hurt themselves and have drown themselves out in unhealthy relationships and behavior in hopes to find love and purpose. In hopes to escape the pain. I am discovering more and more every day that I have a voice. Whether it's in my writing or in actively sharing with people the hope I have and the discover of who I am, and helping others find themselves.

Today, here on the campus of the University I attend, a group of approx 15-20 people sat in a circle in a small room sharing personal stories of pain, stories of how suicide has affected their lives. Both students and faculty alike meeting to bring answers and hope to the hurting hearts around them. The city I live in is said to have the 3rd highest suicide rates in the U.S. and the High School having on average of 2 students a year committing suicide, and that's not even mentioning how may attemps there are, how many are living without hope.

Studies from World Health Organization show that In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide. Looking at how many occur around the workd a year it equals up to about one death every 40 seconds! The age group I am most involved with as I pursue youth ministry and a career as a high school English teacher, 15-19 years show the highest hospitalized attempt rate; 13% of hospitalized attempts in the U.S. alone! We are in desperate need of HOPE!!! There is an urgency in me to wake up and reach out.. to make a change, to make a difference! To share my story and my hope that I now have in Christ.

So what do we do with this? How do we run to stop the bleeding? We know the warning signs, we make ourselves available, we care. We listen to them and we take them to the people that will help them, we show them love, we show them hope. We do as Jamie Tworkowski (Founder of the organization To Write Love on Her Arms) did. I am inspired by the story of Renee and the hope that Jaime and his friends brought to her life. That's the difference I wanna make in this generation, in my city... but even that is just the beginning...

To find out more about how to prevent suicide, knowing the warning signs and what to do to help, visit

http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/index.html

http://www.sprc.org/thismonth/index.asp

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm

To find more about Renee's story and the To Write Love on Her Arms organization, check out http://www.twloha.com/vision/

Guess Some People Just Aren't Cut Out for College Life...

Wow.... I can't believe I just finished my first week of college at The University of Montana... It's been an interesting road, filled with several challenges with many yet to come, I'm sure... but I feel just as sure as ever that this is right where God wants me to be :)

I have been working toward this vision that God planted in my heart almost 2 years ago and now I'm finally seeing it happen. I have a dorm room and a room mate who I am excited to get to know and I am moving in officially this Labor Day! Classes have been close to perfect as well with a British Lit, and an American Lit class, along with Latin- another (pseudo dream of mine) Well, most classes at least except for math ;) but even in that God has brought some wonderful connections with other students at The UM.

Today I got the chance to see some people I've known from my past, friends that have sorta faded into the background, the ones that you see the facebook posts but never really talk to anymore... and then some who you still chat with every now and then :) I love how God uses every single thing for His glory... never wastes anything. Love the challenges the homework brings and the discipline and the opportunity... hard to put into words the grandeur of this new season of my life and the adventures that are in store...

Best part of it all: After a week of school, I am beginning to connect with amazing Christian people in the Chi Alpha ministries and expand my circle. Never realized how big of a promise it was when God told me 4 years ago when I moved into the Missoula area from Hamilton that He was going to "Bless me and enlarge my territory." I'm blown away at what He's doing with it all, and I know He's not finished yet. Talking to a couple of the girls from the Chi Alpha group tonight made me very excited to see that there are other people on campus that share my vision of bringing real life changing encounters of a loving God to people at UM. To really try to walk as Jesus did in the best way we know how and continuing to grow and build one another up along the way. I'm seeing God's promises being fulfilled over and over again, along with the move happening in my family as I chase after God's purpose for me.

It's been interesting to see several of my friends facebook status's about not liking college and I guess it's true that some people are not cut out for college life, as for me.... I love it! ♥

Camp Perea 2011

Wow... where do I even begin? Yesterday I just returned home from, in my opinion, the best summer camp ever! There's been so much leading up to this past week at Camp Perea and as I reflect on those things, the purpose that God was intending through it all is becoming more and more clear. During the past four years as I have watched the staff and leaders with Perea Ministries prepare for camp, I have seen so many challenges arise providing a sure opportunity for us all to put our faith in God to accomplish what He has called us to. This year, I didn't even believe that I would be able to go to camp, but I knew I needed to. Thankfully my friend Jenn is also Camp Director, and also works at the same place as me. She was not taking the work excuse as an answer, and I'm glad she didn't. I'm so blessed that my boss is an amazing woman who also loves Jesus and understood the cause for taking that time off work, she bent over backwards to make my work schedule possible for me to spend a week investing in kids who needed the love of Jesus.

First Camp Perea 2008

Time off work was just the beginning of this adventure for me in trusting God for Camp. I couldn't help but praise Him when I realized that I was only losing one day worth of pay and bills would still be paid. Another blessing shortly afterward revealed itself in problems with my car... The circumstances that God provided for me where a bit stressful and at first glace, I didn't see it as a blessing at all! I doubt very many others would have at first glance either! My car stopped running as I returned to work after I skipped my lunch to go run errands. I made it back just in time for my car to die in the parking lot with no time to worry about it then! I had to clock back on!

Through the blessings of several different friends helping to fix the car and getting rides, blessings of the alternator and battery both being replaced under warranty, and the words that God had given me in the bible and in my prayer times to not give up when the situation seemed most frustrating.... God showed me in the midst of all of this my need for Him. I had been learning of my lack of trust in Him and God used this to get me to turn to Him for answers. It didn't take long to figure out that I couldn't do it on my own!

God's timing is so perfect! After a week of my car not working and dying on me three times during that week on the way to work or home or whatever, I finally found the right person to help get the car running again. As I drove it home, I was faced with a decision concerning the next day... Do I attempt to drive my car and risk it dying on the way to work again? How will I get to camp? If I do make it to work, do I dare drive 45 minutes to camp in Stevensville? Jenn had offered to let me take her car, but I also didn't want to let fear and doubt rule over me and keep me from what God had for me. After arriving home and spending time just listening to God as I showered, I knew I had to take a step of faith and trust Him to get me to camp in my car... and He did! My car made to and from Stevensville for Camp Perea, taking one of the students home, to work last Sunday, and to and from church today, it's now running great!

I realized through this test of faith with my car, that it was also a bit of a battle leading up to camp. Yes, God used it for His glory, He always does... but it was a battle non-the-less. I praise God that through His guidance I was able to choose His will above my own :) Along with that challenge, we had only 2 students signed up for camp a week prior... the day of camp we had 11 students! God has proven faithful time and time again since Camp Perea has been running in this regard! However, I am amazed every time I see it!

There is no doubt in my mind that God brought the students that needed to be there to us. The three girls that I was given to lead were inspiring young woman that challenged me and taught me more than I think they will ever know. It was incredible to watch God move in and through them this past week. I was blown away when I saw the Holy Spirit heal some deep emotional pain that one of these girls had been carrying for over ten years! Bringing forgiveness and freedom, breaking off generational curses and so much more! That same day... that same girl had the boldness to obey the Holy Spirit and give the girls in our tents words that hit our hearts and brought the presence of God to the others that they had never known before!

That is just one of many many ways that God showed up in the lives of these three girls as well as myself, but I definitely have to say that this year at Camp Perea was one of the best yet! God taught me to truly trust Him in deeper ways, to love beyond my own ability and allow Him to have reign in my life... it's just beginning to scratch the surface but this life is so totally not about me! It's about Jesus and bringing glory to His name and His Kingdom, to love as He loved and continually obey His voice. I am blown away at His grace. Though I am so undeserving He has blessed me beyond measure and He is worthy of my life and every single praise!

Contemplations for Today

Well this is it, feeling inspired to begin a real blog. We'll see how it goes.

There's actually a lot on my mind right now. I just finished talking to one of the girls I have been mentoring from The Connection, the youth group at my church that I have been so blessed to be able to be a part of and help lead this generation. That is so much where my heart is at. Leah and I met at a girl's sleepover at our Dani's house- our youth pastor's wife. We stayed up literally all night with a conversation that only God himself could have orchestrated. I am amazed at where that conversation has brought us both today.

I am so proud of the steps she has taken in her life since that night. I remember her very blatantly telling me that she didn't want to be labeled as a Christian because she didn't think you need a label to believe. Although I do somewhat agree there, I told her that the reason why I take that label is because Jesus was real, He was a revolutionist and changed the world. He is continuing  to change the world over 2,000 years later, and I for one want to be a part of that. Taking a label meant to be bold enough to stand up for what you believe and to let your life back it up. As she put it later in her own words, "You don't really need a title to be who you are, but it is when you give yourself a title and stand up for it and your beliefs that you can look back and not be ashamed, but smile with elation. No title is needed to be strong, to know who you are, but it IS one, public way of saying to others, 'I know who I am.' " 

I'm blown away constantly by her wisdom at such a young age, seems like she is an example of 1 Timothy 4:12, "Let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity."

Leah and I after her baptism 5/31/2011

I was reminded of that today as she expressed her new found joy in life since that night. She finally made that decision to follow Jesus after that night, to bear His name, and she got baptized a few weeks ago. Some very bold steps of faith in walking out this life dedicated to Christ. I couldn't be more proud of her. In fact the reason why I am writing this is because I have been blown away in these past 24 hours at the ways God has been moving in this situation. Leah has been impacting so many lives around her, so many of her friends at school have since come to The Connection and made life changes too. I had a very heartfelt talk with one of them last night after talking with another close friend of mine about the doubts of how God uses me. Then I talked with Leah about laying down ourselves to know God... her brilliant 15 year old mind and loving artistic heart was a true gift from God! She seems to understand so clearly. It's such a blessing to know her and see God's power at work in and through her. God is so faithful to keep drawing us in to Him. Thank you Leah for being a reminder of that!