In my blog last July, I had written about my feelings toward a future in California, and had said something along the lines of, "I am learning that as the Perfect Father, God's desires are to make our lives more beautiful, more glorious, and more blessed than we ever thought possible!" That could not be more true of what He as been revealing to me already this summer. There has been such a covering of God's presence here in the prayer room that revelation and growth are so accessible! The first day I was in the prayer room, it was so easy for me to want to process everything from the last week with my family and stuff from before I left, but I heard God speaking very clearly to me, saying, "Stop Striving. Just rest in my presence. Be still and know that I am the Lord YOUR God. The battle is mine, I will fight for you. I am the one who does not not relent. I want a surrendered heart. Just allow me to move you, guide you and to heal you. It is here you will find true freedom. I will never leave your or forsake you, for I have called you my own."
It's been interesting, to say the least! I know that God is calling me to a season of rest. It is from that season of rest that God has already been overflowing in so many ways. There is such a covering of revelation here in the prayer room that I feel like there has been a spiritual download of information that God has been showing me this past week. Some of the major things God has shown me this past week, besides revealing the season of rest that He is calling me into was the experience with harp and Bowl Intercession and our Intro to Inner Healing classes. Between the prophetic activations, worship with word and intercession, and even some inner healing, this week has been an overwhelming, yet glorious week of seeing God move in tangible ways like I haven't experienced in a long time! I am so grateful for that! The Harp and Bowl Intercession has been powerful. Although I have viewed myself an intercessor for a few years now, often times when I pray I feel like God has been far off. But there is something powerful about praying God's promises from His word over a situation. Then to take that a step further and sing those promises over the situation in intercession moves something in the spirit beyond anything I have ever felt before. I felt like God was literally right there with me, and allowing me to partner in His will!
Jesus has been faithful to hear those prayers, even the ones that have been unspoken or filled with doubt. Our Intro to Inner Healing class has been proof of this, and how passionate God is to prove His love to His children. There has been a place in my heart that I have wrestled with for years, something that had been an aspect of shame. After studying in Genesis 27 and 28 about Jacob, and his struggle with God that left him with a limp- weakness, and how that weakness was a gift from God for Jacob to lean on Him. I have never heard Jacob's story taught that way, but it's so beautiful! The story of Jacob highlighted that area of my life where I have wrestled with the Lord, my heart wanted to know how God could use such a place of filth and shame. In that moment the Lord spoke to my heart, "All you wanted was to know the Love of a Father." I began weeping, and crying out in my spirit. I have known this for a long time that this was the reason for my behavior, but that didn't take away the shame I felt. The Lord reminded me of Psalm 139 that I had read earlier that morning. I had the revelation from that Psalm that God knows every single inward thought, motive, desire and fear to the core of our being! And He know how that will play out in our behavior and habits. After reminding me of my devotion that morning, God spoke straight to my core- "I loved your hunger in that moment! Your passion for me was so beautiful!" I began to weep uncontrollably. I couldn't believe that God knew all my junk... and still He found beauty there! The shame in that moment, left me at the understanding that my act of sin, was me pouring out my heart in longing for the love of God. He saw it as my alabaster jar, that had I poured out my heart in a cry for His love. In spite of the fact that I poured out my perfume to another lover, God knew my heart, and He said it was beautiful.... Such freedom is found in His love!
One thing I am learning is that from within that place of rest, is that God is growing me and releasing me in ways that I never thought possible! He truly is the Perfect Father and His desires are indeed to make our lives more beautiful, more glorious, and more blessed than we ever could imagine! He is healing me and setting me free. I am learning how to trust in Him in ways I never have before. The Lord can and will accomplish far more in a few moments of His presence than we could EVER do in our own strength through years of striving! If only we fix our eyes on Him and let Him in to lavish His love upon us! The best part?! This is only beginning! I am so excited to see what God does with a Summer devoted to living the "wasted life" of Mary, sitting at His feet.
~ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. --Ecclesiastes 3:11 ~
You will leave there with a new identity. You will know who you REALLY are. That will be the foundation for the rest of your life.
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