Saved, Healed and Delivered!

I am just about to wrap up my journey here at the Pasadena International House of Prayer for my Pulse Internship and I feel the need for this post to be a testimony of what God has been doing during this past month for inner healing. This week alone has revealed the power and love of God in ways I could previously have only imagined! For over 5 years I have been dealing with intense pain in my abdomen due to an issue with my reproductive system called PCOS. Sometimes the pain would be so bad that I would spend hours at times in the bathroom vomiting, and many nights have been spent curled into a ball on my bed, crying myself to sleep, because no matter what I did, the pain wouldn't leave. I started dealing with these issues here in California about a week ago as I was in an evening worship service for PIHOP. During worship, I felt led to pray for the Salvation of my family, since all but me and my oldest brother are still members of the FLDS church, or Fundamentalist Mormons. As I was kneeling low to the ground, interceding for personal encounters with Jesus Christ as their Savior, sharp intense pains started shouting though my body. The epicenter of the pain was my abdomen, but I noticed that sharp pain was also manifesting in my shoulder, wrist, knees, ankles, and neck as well. I tried to ignore it and focus on worship instead, but if anyone has dealt with that pain before, it's not something that can just be ignored! So I spent the rest of the evening trying to pray though it, hoping that there would be a word of knowledge about it at the end, giving me an opportunity to leave my responsibilities and receive prayer.

Needless to say... God does not work on our terms, hence, the word of knowledge never came. I had agreed to serve as part of the ministry team and as I our group was praying together before people started coming to receive from us, my group leader Suzann asked me a question. I still don't know what the question was because I was zoning out so much due to the pain. I apologized and told her I did not feel well. She and the other girl in my group prayed over me and told me to go sit down, worship and just receive from the Lord. That wasn't much better, but I couldn't go home because I had 2 girls that I had given rides to the service that I was responsible for, so I had to wait it all out. My friends Jena and Lois prayed over me as well, but nothing changed. Lois finally told me to go home and take care of myself after agreeing to take the other girls home. Unfortunately the next 3 days consisted of me staying at home alone watching netflix, with my pain and the lies in my head to keep me company.Lies saying that no one wanted to be around me or that they didn't really care. It made my weekend, quite literally a mental hell. I forced myself to go to Old Town Pasadena on Saturday to take my friend to a job interview and spent some time in Barnes and Noble which is normally like a room in heaven to me, but after about an hour, I couldn't focus on what I was trying to read, so I walked over and got my friend and went home. Monday, once again I forced myself to go to staff prayer at the house of prayer, but I spent most of the time sitting on the floor, cross-legged and begging God to take away the pain. I left and ran some errands around town and went home for awhile, to let my body have a break before forcing myself to go to the YWAM Circuit Rider's service that PIHOP was hosting that evening.

Thankfully the message was phenomenal and I got so excited about the sermon and the preaching that it was a long awaited and very welcomed distraction. My friend Lois asked me how I feeling when the service was over and I told her that I was ok, but gave more details on what was going on. She prayed for me again and asked me to grab her to pray with me if things started getting bad again. The next morning, I was still in a lot of pain and was seriously considering not going in for the internship that day. But I kept pushing myself, because I hate feeling confined or held back, and this stupid thing had held me back way too much as it was!! Little did I know that we would have a guest teacher in town, who was actually the original Pulse Director. Mandy is extremely gifted in the prophetic, healing and deliverance, so she began to teach us about a little of all of that, starting with inner healing and deliverance to help finish of the month's focus. While we were trying to receive from the Lord, the pain got really bad. I was so distracted that I could not think, let alone hear from the Holy Spirit! Mandy, looked at me and asked me what I was feeling based on our exercise. I told her that I was in a lot of pain and felt nauseous, I felt like I needed to leave. She instantly came over and laid hands on me and started praying for me. She was sensing the spiritual realm and battle I was walking though, beyond the physical or even emotional, and her prayers were definitely hitting my heart, but the pain seemed to only be getting worse. The biggest thing in my head was, "I am robbing from what the class should be learning right now."

I told Mandy I was gonna go into the other room so she could continue with class. She protested at first, but then allowed me to leave with the exception that our Pulse assistant went with me and continued to pray in tongues over me. When I got to the couch in the other room, all of the lies I had been feeling or hearing in my head had surfaced and I broke down and buried my face into the pillows and wept. I wept for probably a good 20 min or more, as Valerie stroked my hair comfortingly, praying over me the entire time. I felt someones hands come down on my side, as heat shot through my body. I heard Mandy's voice as she began praying fervently over me, breaking and rebuking as she felt led. After a few minutes, I felt my entire being succumb to peace, except my abdomen, which kept burning. Not a painful, violent burning, but a tingling, warmth- almost as if someone had placed a heat pack over me. Mandy left again into the other room after telling Valerie that I should just rest awhile and could join them in the next room, if and when I was ready to. I sat up and just received the peace of God's presence and His healing power within me. I realized that I had been carrying guilt and shame over things of my past that God had forgiven me for, but I was still holding onto. I had been afraid to allow for God's peace in it's full capacity, because I had been abused and taken advantage of the last time I allowed myself to be in that state of being. I let God bring things to light and speak His truth over me as I received His love.

Over the next few days God continued to show me areas from my past that had affected my diagnosis and condition, including things that I had spoken over myself- even unintentionally- and cursing my health. Thing like telling my Mom that I didn't want to have children when I was a teenager, fears that I had bought into that were irrational, but still very real because they were rooted in my Mormon upbringing and the lie that I would always fail. The Lord has revealed to me that there has been generational curse that come along with my upbringing in Mormonism that are more subtle than the spirit of the occult per se, but still very present nonetheless. Things like a spirit of misogyny, a spirit of poverty and a spirit of affliction. Over the next week I went through some inner healing and deliverance over these issues with my YWAM friend Jena and got some awesome breakthrough! Not just for myself, but after 4 hours of prayer between each of us, we both walked away with greater levels of freedom! With my healing and deliverance I began to understand God's love in a very practical way and it led me to want to show that same love with others, by praying for healing for their needs- physical and emotional! I saw a total of 3 physical healings in one week and 3 cases of deliverance and inner healing within a weeks time! Needless to say, I have been in awe of Christ's power and the love He has for us each as individuals and His desires to protect, care for, and provide for us! For the first time in my life I am actually believing that God can use me to be great- all for His glory!! And that is as simple as receiving Him and His love in His fullness! Loving Him, and loving the ones in front of me, whoever comes across my path- because THAT is how true revival starts, with people encountering the person of Jesus. But we must cultivate Christ in us, and fellowship with Him first and foremost!

It has been a crazy journey, still is! In fact I have been battling a lot this past week with various attacks against my voice and being a voice as God has called me to be. I know that no victory comes without retaliation, and I also know that I am entering into new realms and new battles- a lot are as a result of contending for my family and their salvation,because no longer am I satisfied with the story stopping here with me... I want God's glory in it's fullness and that means carrying it to every single person I know and seeing it brought to fruition! If you're reading this, your prayers regarding these things would be valued far greater than you could ever imagine! But even still... God is worthy! He is worthy of everything and no matter the cost, I am choosing to love Him with everything! If there is one thing this Summer Internship has taught me it is to "rooted and grounded in love" and to seek the one thing: to sit at the feet of Jesus, being obedient to all that He requires of me.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward that which is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 3:12-14~

Encountering Jesus

Being quite honest, Friday was the worst day that I have had in quite some time. Every plan and hope I had fell through the roof, all because of some serious financial stress. In fact, to say these last few weeks have been challenging would be an understatement! About a month ago I was asked to help out with a benefit concert event called "Get Loud" for an organization called "Love Has Come." I wasn't entirely sure what I should be expecting, all I know is that after the kind of day I had been having and with all the stress and exhaustion I was feeling built up from the past week or so- the last thing I wanted was to go do anything! This would just be one more thing on the agenda to add to my already super hectic schedule. For about an hour after my last school commitment of the day, I argued with myself over whether or not I should go. The thing is, I made a promise and I try my best to be someone who sticks to my word.

So at about 5:30 pm, I grabbed my pumpkin white mocha and headed down to the Wilma Theater. Once I got there, no one seemed to know who I was, or how I got roped into helping... truth is, I didn't either. Most of the people there I had never even seen before... all I know is someone (who I also didn't know) asked me on the Facebook event page to help, and I said yes. It was definitely one of those moments that was totally NOT coincidence! The more I wandered around the theater in my "Get Loud" volunteer t-shirt, the more out of place I felt with the group, so I started praying... a lot and then the more I became certain of my role there. About a half an hour before the event kicked off, as I was pacing the balcony area where I was asked to help oversee the ushering, the president and founder of Love Has Come stopped me and asked how I happened to get involved and who in the group did I know. I told him that I went to school with the drummer and lead guitarist/singer of the band that they were featuring that night, but I had no idea how I wound up ushering! The woman that I spoke with on Facebook was the one who asked me and I still have no idea who she is!

I preceded to share with Marc the very things that the Lord was impressing upon my heart in that moment. How God wanted to use this event to help unify the body of Christ and how this was going to be something that helped me to understand more of the call God had on my life for both music and adoption. I shared with Marc and his wife Abby both at different points during the night that I have have had a heart for adoption, especially international adoption, since I was a child at ten years old. As the the events of the night began and worship was well underway, I began praying and worshiping. I prayed for the Love Has Come team, for those involved in the event and for those in attendance, that hearts would be open and that God's glory would shine through in every single moment!

It didn't take long before I felt a strong sense that my world was about to get seriously altered! As I proceeded in worship, I went at it! Worshiping like nothing else mattered, because in that moment, after my hellish day... nothing else did! All of my worries, doubts and fears from the day faded, all of my issues... as big as they seemed to me, were nothing in comparison to God's love and greatness!

The combination of Jesus's sweet presence along with a greater revelation of His heart for the orphaned and widowed, for the broken and the rejects...it all just made my troubles seems so insignificant compared to all the children whose faces flashed across the projection screen... Children without families and homes, children without clean water even... I did have those! Maybe not the best, but of priceless value to those who have had nothing. My heart melted more and more with each picture, each story. Each song ministered so much to my spirit, I knew that my Daddy God was right there with me, near me. I could feel His embrace and hear Him singing over me, which is exactly what my heart needed. He whispered to me,  "Megan, this is the beginning of a shift. This is it, darling! You and me, taking on the rest of the world! Your life will never be the same." Holy Spirit spoke clearly to my heart on so many levels! This past week, I had lost my sense of passion and my purpose felt nothing more than just another obligation. That night all that changed... I am hearing Papa speaking some of the same kind of things over me that He did as I sat on the bench in the foyer of the Bonnie Brae House- home of the historical Azusa Street Revival- Where I was surrounded Brad and Sarah Webster's revival group from the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.

That was a night I will never forget. I know tonight will be filed away in my memories forever as one of those markers along the the path of my faith walk. I was a glorious God mess most of the night- laughing, dancing, weeping, praying and praising! I feel so revived! God has picked me up in my weakest moments and extended His amazing gift of love and grace. After all, the doubts and questions during this past week, are of no consequence... as it says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison." My passion has been renewed, with a greater sense of the Dreams that I already have for my life and have had since childhood, the ones that God has given me. Along with the new dream of perhaps going to Haiti to help build the orphan center with Love Has Come!

The writer Francois Mauriac said that no love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. This is truly one of those connections that I know will impact my future greatly and as crazy as it sounds, it has already impacted my present, and even my past! As I walked out of the theater at the end of the night... I looked down at my hands under the street lights and saw gold dust glimmering... all over my body! Heaven is invading my world.. and this is just the beginning. I will never be the same!